Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Becoming Prepared

Today I did some preparing. Went to Target with Mom, and got my favorite marker device for Scripture marking- Crayola Twistables. Also all the backpacks were expensive, the store brand one I thought about getting was 14.99.

We decided to go to Marshells, Mom headed to shoes, naturally and as usual. I headed to luggage and found all the backpacks. They had Jansport, hurley, billabong, Adidas, Columbia, High Seirra and Under Armour. I got a gray / black Under Armour one for 24.00 and the 49.99 tag was still on it! See picture above. Thinking me helmet would go wear the volleyball is now. (Missionaries have to have dark color conservative backpack/ shoulder bag). That's only 10 more dollars than the one from Target and better patting and quality.

While Mom was in shoes I spotted my favorite brand of Tennis Shoes, Saucony ($34.00 compare at 60). Mom said I didn't need them but I do! If I am going to have shoes for two years I don't want to bring ones I already have worn down. My newest pair of Tennis shoes I got in March- since then have put about 5-6 miles on them 5 days a week.

Last night was FHE. So fun, for me anyways. I know some people were very competitive during Ultimate Frisbee. Also some people, actually the RS president, was getting irritable because people began cheating. I just laughed and told them "Come on now, this is family home evening, and should be fun for everyone, its just a game" It was funny that people were trying to strategize frisbee though lol.

I was also offered to be in a dance commercial- to promote YSA dances. Though he offered me to do Jazz (See picture above). I am not good a jazz, you have to be really close to your partner AND face them, which makes my pulse go high and I get really warm and want to flee the scene. (if boys knew this they would just laugh at my nervousness) Anyways. Said I would. He offered noon- 3 the next day- that's really soon. Which would work seeing that Tuesday is the first day of the week I work and can nap before I go vs sleeping 1-9 like I usually do on a week day. He texts me at like 230 though saying come over. He wants me to dance in front of the Eatonville waterfall, which is an hr away from here. I told him, "I REALLY want to dance and help you but I live in __ and Eatonville is like an hr away. You can come here and dance. It is unfortunate Eatonville is so far away and didn't call sooner since I have to sleep before I work tonight" He told me he had to edit the video tonight, I wanted to ask him why did he not ask me sooner? I gave him a name of someone closer, who has gone to dances with us but he said it wouldn't work "She doesn't dance like you... You can follow" Great, I'm a follower.

Also, why didn't he ask me sooner if he knew he needed to edited tonight. My depressing guess is I was his last choice. Two reasons- 1. his lateness in asking me. 2. where asked me- fhe convenience for him, didn't go out of his way. 3. didn't do it in the morning, which would work better for me but I guess it isn't about what works for me, guess he doesn't care and 4. the dance he picked- I know- fox trout, salsa, cha cha, waltz, and swing, not jazz. 5. I haven't heard from this person in more than 3 weeks. I left him a comment on his face book wall and texts that didn't receive replies either. (Text- I understand if someone is busy but reply when you get a chance. Its called courtesy, I dont care if its a few days- just say you couldnt get to them then but can now) I wonder if he knows that I am going out of MY way to do this (yes I love dancing that aside). Starting to feel like when I hear from him its when he wants something. Doesn't want something, doesn't want anything to do with me. I could be wrong- I am willing to admit this. Time will tell.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Gospel defines who I am

The gospel defines who I am. it is apart of me and my standards radiate in all my doings. I proclaim- I am planning on serving a mission. When I am in the service of my fellow being I am in the service of God. I have faith in God that my call is from Him and inspired. I am grateful that the Elders held their standard high and stayed worthy so they could be an instrument of God. If they were not I would not have an inspired call. They are though and have I have received an inspired call.

I am so thankful for members who strive to live the gospel standards on a day to day basis; this is a difficult thing to do.

I know that Heavenly Father has heard my prayers and also has heard my thoughts and concerns. Today I gave my "Missionary Acceptance letter" to be endorsed by my Bishop, President Almond suprised me and said "I know you are scared but I have a good feeling about this" "Really?" With all sincerity he affirmed that my mission call is truly from the Lord.

Heavenly Father knows that I am scared to go to Thailand. Since He knows this He sent me two of his faithful servants. My bishop to reconfirm that that is where I need to be and also his wife, who was born there and told me, "If I had the opportunity to go on a mission Thailand would be my first pick" Hearing that alone was a HUGE comfort. She also told me, which I have heard (what little I have heard about it) that the people are so kind. Also that it is a beautiful place, great place to go back to and vacation etc etc.

I know that where I need to labor is in thailand. Though just as I typed that I thought "THAILAND, really?" Then I think, where ever God wants me to go or do I should not have a problem with it. I mean, how does the alternative look? What would my life be nevermind not getting into that.. I know that Thailand is the mission for me. I know that God does not set His children up for failure. I will not be the first missionary ever there. He has prepared a way for me. I know that the language will come in time. All things are in Time. For now, I will prepare by increasing my relationship with God.

This last week my focus has not been on preparing for a mission. I need not sweat the small things and to focus on what really matters. Now, and in life, what matters is not worldly or temporal things. This does not bring eternal happiness. My attention and focus are to be things relating to God, His gospel, and serving in the Church. My concerns this week have not been those. My goal is that my focus is to be of things eternal and not of the world.

Right now I will continue/ am reading the Scriptures, and when my eyes tire or I no longer understand what I am reading I reread it, because that means I am missing something or I will set my scriptures aside and come back to them with new eyes. I am attending all church meetings. I am praying with more heart. I am seeking answer through those prayers that the message will come through 1. the scriptures. 2. my thoughts. 3. through those who are in tuned with the spirit and receive revelation. Which includes- my mother, my father, priesthood holders, worthy members and those who have faithfully served on missions.

I am thankful that my father in heaven has answered my prayers. I have an overwhelming comfort and am blessed to be enlisted in the work; the work of the Lord.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I guess you would call them events.

In August there is a family Reunion in Oregon. I'm not a big fan of camping. I get eaten a live by misquitos, and lakes scare me, and sleeping where I can hear my dad snoring and kids screaming just isn't 'fun.' Who knows, maybe I will skip that and go to Ocean shores with a few of my close friends instead.

In September my Grandma and Grandpa from California will be coming to visit me. I kind of NOT want to be working when that happens. Graveyard, as none of you know, is tiring when it comes to maintaining relationships with friends and family for 1 reason- TIME. You call at 7am its too early. thay call at 4pm. It's like 3am to me and I am sleeping. They text you during thier lunch break- I do the same at 3am and they are sleeping. haha I guess I am already international in that sense.

I also want to visit my brother and sister in law. Jaeden and Sachi are expecting a baby girl on October 14th. Since I don't report til Ocotber 20th maybe I could leave from the TX airport to MTC. Plus, how badly would that suck if I didn't get to hold their baby until it was like 2 years old. I also haven't seen them since August of 2008.

Within my 11 weeks of unemployment I also want to keep my week days busy:

Sunday- church
Monday- fhe, chores, laundry. Study Thai culture.
Tuesday- Study thai lang. Be home taught and do Visiting teaching
Wednesdays- institute in puyallup at night and do temple trip in the morning
Thursday- institute in tacoma. Do sister mission splits locally
Fridays- split w sisters, write blog/journal
Saturdays- service project, Bonfire at meadows and dances.

Seems like gas money would be a concern...

Almost... but I guess that doesn't cut it.

So... I just put in my notice for work! Yay! This is a huge indicator that I really REALLY am going. I leave my current job on August 2nd, 2010.

My dad told me when I got my call "I don't know what one your more excited for, quitting or going."

It always feels good going down I-5 and seeing the hospital in my rear view mirror in the morning... Just think- how awesome it is going to feel when I quit!

When I told my supervisor I would be leaving he said, "well I guess that is acceptable" "Why wouldn't it be?" " "I guess it makes sense you would want some time before you go to spend time with your friends and family. I could see you wanting that and it is international" "Yeah... I am not going to see them for two years. I cannot travel back and forth when I am there" . How could wanting some time before I go NOT be acceptable? and since when did I ask for his opinion or if it was an Okay thing by him?

This means I have no work (or school, yes, I am doing summer quarter) for a total of 9 weeks.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


I still have a few steps before I go to the MTC in October, other than the obvious such as packing- I have to write a letter of acceptance to the First Presidency that must be endorsed (signed) by my bishop. I also have a long list of shots I have to get before reporting. Plus being interviewed to be endowed and also set apart as a missionary by the Stake President before I go.

Packing- Very light. only 4-5 outfits, plus 1 pajama, 1 robe, 1 exercise suit, 1 service outfit (no jeans) 6 socks and 6 nylons. Also have to allow 8-12lb allowance in my luggage to add MTC materials and paperwork.

Despite the remaining final steps in this, which seems like forever (finished my papers around may 18) process I am ready to go. I am astonished too. How could I be ready? I know Thailand, personally, is where I am sent. Not by chance or by some kind of magic bingo number, luck of the draw thing.

I have accepted that my Father in Heaven desires that I make the Trek to Bangkok, Thailand.

I know that He does not send his children to the corners of the earth without a divine purpose in store.

I know with all my heart the gospel has been restored on this earth and that I have been called by a prophet to represent the Church.

Heavenly Father loves me and I will put all my trust in His plan. I look forward to becoming lost in the work.

Fear of language

I put on my application, on a 1 to 5 scale a 4 for going foreign and a 4 for learning a new language
but also listed that I had past speech impediment and learning disability

I know I have faith that God can give me the gift of tongues but does not necessarily mean he will.

I predict I will cry and become frustrated when learning and it will be a hardship for me to overcome and conquer. I know that if God wants me to speak Thai, then I will. I know I should not complicate it beyond that.

Yet, I still feel fear... I predict that when in Thailand the first few months will be hard. I know I will learn the language it's just a matter of time. Which is another concern. I feel that once I finally get in the swing of things I will go home. I mean, I am in the MTC for 3 months, and in Thailand for 15 (total of 18 month mission) A little over a year does not seem long enough. Who knows though, maybe I will feel different once I am there.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Feelings of recieving my call


I just got my call yesterday. I have been called to labor in the Thailand Bangkok Mission.

I am shocked! I was expecting domestic for sure. I didn't even consider anything outside the 50 states (I did consider puerto rico, and canada tho)

I have been assigned to preach the gospel in the Thia language- gulp. I already stumble on my native language. I am worried. I am sure all missionaries have felt this at one point- How can I share the gospel if I can't speak the language. Yes, they teach you but it is up to me to learn it. I even listed I have had learning disabilities and speech impediments (back in elementary not a problem now, but seems it will be if I will be speaking Thai!) on the application.

The though of "maybe this means I should say no" thinking it is impossible and that by receiving this call means I should say no. Then I thought "Just go to the MTC" and the chain affect will occur. "Think baby steps" I told myself, "Go to the MTC, learn more about the gospel, learn the language, go to Thailand..." and go from there.

Also, thought that "God does not set you, or any of his children, up for failure. Where ever I am needed I will go. The Lord wants me in Thailand then I will go there."